


umpah-pah

by painttheworldinpastels



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Merpeople, Attempt at Humor, Doyoung as a part time worker at McDonald's, Fluff, M/M, Urban Fantasy, a Hot Mess, it's an inside joke, out of context mentions of knives
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-04
Updated: 2020-01-04
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:48:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22134325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/painttheworldinpastels/pseuds/painttheworldinpastels
Summary: *record scratch**freeze frame*Yep, that's me. You're probably wondering how I ended up in this situation.Doyoung shakes his head to clear his head of the iconic meme, but really who's going to judge him for it being the first thought to pop into his head when there's a real live mermaid frolicking around in the university pool?
Relationships: Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung/Lee Taeyong
Comments: 10
Kudos: 141





	umpah-pah

**Author's Note:**

  * For [darlingchwe](https://archiveofourown.org/users/darlingchwe/gifts).



Doyoung likes to think that he's a good student. He's not failing any classes (despite struggling in Calculus but hey, he's still passing), his professors don't hate him, and his blockmates would fight each other to have his as their group mate. He has an effective study routine and he manages to balance his school and social life well enough to to make time for a part-time job at the campus McDonald's. Doyoung also likes to think that he's a good person; he tutors people for free if they ask nicely, he feeds stray cats he encounters if he has any food on him, and the last time he locked his roommate Johnny out of their dorm was two months ago when he'd found half of the contents of their shared closet on the floor in Johnny's attempt to put together a decent outfit for his date with an upperclassman named Taeil.

Doyoung is a good student, a good son, a good brother (though his older brother would probably argue otherwise), and a good human being, so he doesn't know why he's awake at five in the morning and watching shirtless men swim and splash around, slowly getting himself drenched in the process.

"Don't look so glum, chum," the bane of his existence, the reason for his suffering, his cousin Ten says as he kneels before Doyoung and wraps his arms around his waist. He's dripping wet and moisture starts seeping into Doyoung's thin shirt, so he shoves Ten as far away from him as possible. "I'm not in the mood for this."

"Aawww, is Doie angwy? Is Doie hangwy? Is Doie—"

"Doie will punch you. I'm not kidding."

"Alright, alright." Ten raises his arms in surrender. "But if you need anything—aside from a means to escape—scream and I'll come running."

"Maybe I will, just to see you slip."

"Bad Doie." Ten boops his nose. "Maybe I'll tell Auntie you're being mean to me."

"Maybe I'll tell Auntie that her son is the reason for that ugly dent in her SUV."

Ten narrows his eyes at him. "Don't you dare."

It's childish, but it's 5 a.m. and Doyoung's pride hasn't awakened yet. He sticks his tongue out at Ten. "Watch me."

"You _owe_ me, Doyoung."

"And that's why I'm here! At fricking," Doyoung glances at the clock ticking away above the doorway, the exit, the path to his dorm and his bed and another couple hours of sleep, "5:26 in the morning! How much more do I have to agonize!"

"Calm down you dramatic bitch, you're bringing us attention. Just one month of being my moral support and you can't do that? For me? Your favorite cousin?"

"Please, my favorite is Renjun."

"You're kidding. You barely talk to the kid!"

"Get back in the water before I push you in," Doyoung grumbles, too tired to argue some more. If his brain was functioning properly he wouldn't back down so easily but alas, his brain cells don't work before 7 a.m.

Ten ruffles his hair before going to annoy someone else, presumably. Doyoung leans back on the uncomfortable plastic bench and closes his eyes, hoping that perhaps when he opens them again he'd be all snug and toasty in his bed.

It doesn't happen.

He sighs loudly. Looking at chlorine-filled water makes him thirsty and he remembers that there's a vending machine outside the pool area, so he gets up to go buy a drink.

(But not before taking Ten's wallet from his bag. Ten was meant to buy him breakfast anyway; he probably won't notice a couple of bills missing.)

The vending machine is broken.

On second thought, Doyoung thinks as he waits for the water bottle he paid for fair and square, the water bottle which does not come, maybe the vending machine is just greedy. He sighs as he stares at Ten's wallet, contemplating inserting another bill inside so he can get his damn water.

He's still staring at the evil vending machine when a sharp clang resounds from somewhere, and a water bottle falls into the take-out port. He looks around to find a foot extended towards the machine, connected to a man smiling too brightly for 5:30 a.m.

"You looked like you were having trouble," he says, gesturing to the machine. "This old rustbucket needs a literal kick sometimes, but she's reliable. She's been here for about ten years now."

"Ah," Doyoung mumbles dumbly. He takes the bottle and opens it, gulping half of the contents down before turning back to the kind stranger. "Thank you. Really. You probably would have found me crying in the middle of the hallway if you'd come ten minutes later than you did."

The man's smile grows as he takes in Doyoung's disheveled state, hair sticking out from where Ten had ruffled it and shirt still wet from Ten's spontaneous display of affection. "Somehow I don't doubt that. Rough day?"

"And it's only just started."

The cheerful stranger hums in acknowledgement. "Are you new or did you get blackmailed into coming here?"

Doyoung gasps. "Oh my god, how did you figure it out?"

The man tilts his head to the side, like a puppy asking for a treat. "So you really were blackmailed? Oh, you poor thing."

"Finally! Someone gets it!" And because Doyoung's filter has the same work hours as his brain, he blurts out, "What the frick, I could hug you right now."

A cheeky smile appears on the man's lips, and the crappy hallway fluorescent lights make his eyes sparkle. "Well, why don't you?"

Doyoung laughs awkwardly, scratching the back of his head. "Sorry, I didn't mean it that way. Not that I don't want to! I was just...caught up in the moment?"

"Do you hug after the first date, then?"

Doyoung snorts. It's not a very attractive thing to do when he's standing in front of one of the most attractive people he's ever met, but he can't take it back now. "You're very straightforward, Sir."

"Please," Smiley Stranger extends a hand towards Doyoung. "Call me Taeyong."

"Doyoung."

"What a beautiful—"

"—name for a beautiful boy," Doyoung cuts in. "I'm sorry dude, but if you're going to flirt with me please try a little harder."

"Sadly, I seem to have been dude zoned before I can even attempt to charm you."

Doyoung tries to remember if he brushed his teeth earlier, and when his sluggish mind confirms that he did he gives Taeyong a wide grin. "Here's a second chance, then. Buy me breakfast and I'll reevaluate."

"Deal. There's a canteen right outside if you'll settle for a sandwich and some OJ."

Doyoung pretends to consider it for a couple of minutes but stomach answers for him, rumbling like a revved-up engine. Taeyong cackles and Doyoung pushes his shoulder lightly. "Don't make fun of me. I prefer apple but lead the way, my knight in swimming trunks."

* * *

Doyoung likes grilled cheese. He especially likes it when there's more than one type of cheese, or when the crusts are cut off, or when he's eating with good company. His current situation involves all three.

Taeyong munches on the crusts he'd removed from Doyoung's sandwich. "You know, your suffering could have been avoided if you didn't bet on your cousin's love life in the first place."

"I know, but Ten's very persuasive! He practically had me convinced I'd win, and I genuinely thought Renjun liked Jeno. _I_ certainly do."

"At least you didn't lose money?"

"Yeah, just my precious sleep and some of my sanity. Real good deal I got there."

They eat the rest of their meal in silence, punctuated by the canteen's ruckus and slurping sounds as they finish up their respective fruit juices. When the final drop of apple has graced Doyoung's tongue, he clears his throat to gain Taeyong's attention. "About what I said earlier, about the hug. I say stupid things sometimes, especially when I'm not fully awake. But, uh, if you really want that hug, tell me when I'm not so lethargic. I'm here all month, unfortunately."

"Sounds like good fortune to me. We get to be blessed by your pretty face for a whole month."

"Have you looked in a mirror? You're the most gorgeous man to ever walk this earth, and coming from me that's a very big compliment since my best friend looks fresh off a runway all day, everyday."

Taeyong smiles, tilting his head to the side, and Doyoung just knows that what's going to come out of his mouth has more cheese than his sandwich did. "I only have eyes for you, though."

Doyoung sighs fondly. Taeyong is predictable, but he's adorably predictable. "Tear your eyes off of me and direct them to the ground, Pretty Boy. I don't know how to get back to the pool area so you'll have to show me the way."

Taeyong stands from the table, putting his hand out to assist Doyoung out of his chair like a Victorian noble would. Doyoung finds it endearing. "As you wish," Taeyong says with a glint in his eye that is definitely not caused by the lighting.

Doyoung takes his hand. "What, are you a genie now or something?"

"Not a genie." The corner of Taeyong's lips curl up just the slightest bit. "But I think I'm pretty magical."

Doyoung rolls his eyes. "Of course you are, your hairstyle says it all. How did you escape the admin's wrath for going platinum blonde?"

"I didn't, but what are they gonna do? Drop a bucket of black hair dye on me? That's a violation of my rights."

"You violated their rules first."

"Trust me babe," Taeyong's voice is colored with mischief, "you do not want to get on my bad side."

"DOYOUNG, YOU FUCKING BASTARD." Ten's screechy voice echoes throughout the pool area, making Taeyong and a couple of other people beside them jump. "Where the fuck did you go and where the fuck is my fucking wallet?"

"Right fucking here." Doyoung throws him the damn thing and Ten immediately checks to see if there's money still inside. "And I went to eat breakfast since you're taking too long to feed me."

"There's not a lot of money gone though?" Ten wonders. "Did you pay for it with your own cash?"

"I did," Taeyong cuts in. "Don't worry about it, it was my pleasure." He throws Doyoung a wink before waving them goodbye, disappearing inside the showers.

Ten slowly turns to Doyoung with an incredulous look on his face. "I leave you alone for an hour and you go ahead and cop the swim team's best member? Impressive."

"Best member?"

"Oh Doyoung, if only you knew how many competitions he's won both individually and in a team. I dare say he's the most decorated member since Kim Jongin."

Taeyong appears back into their line of view but he doesn't acknowledge them, diving straight into the water and making his way to the opposite side of the Olympic-sized pool in five blinks. "Wow."

"Wow," Ten repeats. "But anyways, does this mean I don't owe you breakfast anymore?" Ten asks hopefully, and Doyoung excitedly bashes that hope into itty-bitty shards. "You wish. You think a sandwich will be enough to get me through the day?"

"Technically, you only need to get through until lunchtime."

"Nice try. You're getting me a venti caramel macchiato and one of those breakfast meals from somewhere that isn't McDonald's."

Ten pouts. "Don't you wanna see your co-workers? I'm sure they miss you."

"I saw them just yesterday, and I am _not_ letting you exploit my employee discount like this."

"Why do I feel like _I_ was the one who lost the bet?" Ten grumbles, and Doyoung shrugs. "We both lost, in a way. Now grab your stuff so you can feed me before your first class starts."

"You sound like a pet, do you know that? A little bunny I have to feed so it remains happy and content."

"This little bunny will bite your fingers off if I don't have food in my mouth in the next ten minutes."

"Five minutes," Ten says as he quickly walks to where his bag still sits on the chair Doyoung had claimed earlier. Doyoung spends those five minutes staring at Taeyong's lithe form in the water, watching as he threads through the fluid like it's nothing but silk. It's enchanting, the way Taeyong moves like he's part of the water. He continues to stare until Ten whacks him on the arm to get his attention, and when he brings his gaze back to Taeyong for one final glimpse before they go Taeyong is floating upright in the middle of the pool, smiling just as brightly as he did when Doyoung first saw him. He waves and mouths "see you soon", and Doyoung nods and waves back before following an impatient Ten out the door.

Doyoung shakes his head as he sips on his macchiato fifteen minutes after. All that trouble for a bottle of water, and yet he would do it all over again.

* * *

Two weeks into the Month of Pain and Suffering and Loss of Sleep and Doyoung starts to think that maybe Ten winning the bet wasn't so bad. He gets up at 4:30 a.m. (which is bad), takes a cold shower because he can't be bothered to heat up water that early (also bad), and gets to the pool area at around five and waits for Ten, who is usually at least five minutes late (very bad). However, he spends his time at the poolside chatting with Taeyong (good), sometimes going out to grab a bit with him (excellent), or dodging Taeyong's attempts to pull him into the six foot deep pool (in retrospect this is quite bad considering Doyoung can barely float, but he remembers the ghost of Taeyong's hands on him and immediately the thought shifts from terrible to fantastic).

Alright, perhaps Doyoung is whipped but he would never tell anyone. Not Taeyong, not his best friend Jaehyun who is convinced Doyoung's heart is as hard and black as charcoal, and _especially_ not Ten. So the fact that Ten repeatedly tries to set him up with Taeyong makes Doyoung wary of Ten's intentions.

"What do you gain from this?" He asks one morning when Ten appears at his dorm room with a floral button down that "is sure to grab people's attention, wink wonk".

"I don't know what you're talking about," Ten says as he throws the shirt onto Doyoung's bed. Johnny turns over and sandwiches his head between pillows to shut out Ten and Doyoung's commotion, and Ten walks over to pat his head. "Sorry bud, we'll be more quiet," Ten whispers, and Johnny nods with his eyes shut tight. When his grip on the pillows loosens, Ten walks over to Doyoung and starts talking again—softer this time. "Aren't you gonna thank me for making sure you look presentable after you mentioned that you don't have clean clothes to wear today?"

"I'm surprised that you're not holding that against me."

"Don't be too disappointed, I will later on. But for now—" Ten's voice rises and Johnny shuffles in his bed, prompting Ten to drop his volume, "For now, you need to not look like a slob."

Doyoung narrows his eyes. "Why?"

"Because."

"What does Taeyong have that you want?"

Ten sighs loudly in defeat. "Fine. It's not a material thing—"

"Is this to psych him out so you can beat him in a race or something? Because I swear to god—"

"IT'S NOT!" Ten bellows. "I'm not a cheater—"

"Fuck this shit," Johnny curses as he gets up from his bed. "I'm going to go to Yuta's room one floor up so if I manage to hear a peep from you guys while I'm there, ONE FLOOR UP, you will both wish you never opened your mouths in the first place." He gathers a couple of pillows in his arms and hoists a blanket over his shoulders. "Ten, you are banned from the dorm for a week. Doyoung, you're on food duty for the same week. If you feed me McDonald's I'm going to throw you into the Pacific ocean. Now someone open the door before I start crying."

Both Ten and Doyoung race to the door, bumping into each other in the process. Ten is the one who successfully turns the knob, and Johnny stomps out of the dorm.

"I've never seen him like that before," Ten marvels, staring at the door Johnny disappeared through. "Is he usually that grumpy in the morning?"

"There's a reason why I leave swiftly and quietly. His first class isn't until noon and his last one ends at 9 p.m. so he needs all the rest he can get."

"Noted. I'm never going to speak when he's deep in slumber ever again."

"Wise decision." Doyoung leans back against Johnny and Doyoung's shared study table. "Now, where were we?"

"Weren't we discussing how hot your roommate gets when he's angry?"

"No!" Doyoung slaps Ten's arm hard enough to leave a red mark. "Why are you trying to distract Taeyong?"

"I'm not trying to distract him! In fact, I am trying to get him to notice you. Be enamored by you. To see only you."

"Isn't that a subtle way to distract him?"

"No, my darling Doie. My plan goes deeper than that. You see, Taeyong has a friend named Kun. A very cute friend."

"...you're using me as bait."

"Don't think you've got me figured out so easily, Doie dearest! The plan is that you and Taeyong live happily ever after, and Taeyong will want to introduce you to people who are important to him, namely his friends. And you'll want to introduce him to people important to you, a.k.a. me."

"Are you important to me though? Are you _really_?"

"Anyway," Ten continues, ignoring Doyoung's protests, "at some point Kun and I will meet, and I will charm him with my pleasing personality—"

"Pleasing," Doyoung sneers.

"—and then _boom_ , we're a thing. But for all of that to happen," Ten gestures to the shirt all nice and ironed beforehand splayed out on Doyoung's bed, "you need to get Taeyong to become your boyfriend. That's the first step. Nothing will come to fruition if this does not push through, and it certainly won't if you look like a mess."

"But what if Taeyong likes seeing me in my true form, a lazy bed bug?"

"We'll see in the future, since I don't think I can fool him into thinking you're as well put together as you normally look for too long. But for now, put on the shirt and your best smile and go get your man so I can get _my_ man."

"What if this Kun guy doesn't like you?"

Ten snickers. "That won't happen, I'm a delight. But if worst comes to worst," Ten's grin is downright diabolical, and Doyoung is slightly scared. "Then I'll annoy him so much that I'm the only one he thinks about."

Ten shoves a stack of papers into Doyoung's arms. It's early in the afternoon and the sun beats down on them harshly, droplets of sweat rolling down Doyoung's temples and back. He doesn't know how Ten found him and he doesn't know why he is cradling a mountain of papers he wants nothing to do with, so he asks. "What's going on?"

Ten's answer is short and simple. "These are notes from Taeyong's seatmate Mark Lee. You, Kim Doyoung, are going to give them to him. He should be at the pool right now. Don't forget to tell these are from Mark, okay?" Ten pats Doyoung's head. "Now shoo."

Doyoung doesn't move an inch. "Am I just supposed to barge into the pool area and hand him his homework?"

"First of all, those are reviewers. Second, he's usually alone by this time. The rest of the team have classes so he uses this time to practice privately."

"And if he's not there? What do I do then?"

"He practically _lives_ there, Doie. He's there, I promise." 

Doyoung whines. "Why do I have to do it?"

"Don't you want to see Taeyong?"

"I saw him this morning!"

"So you're bored of his face already? Don't tell him that, it'll hurt his feelings. Not good for my master plan, you know."

Doyoung wants to whack Ten upside the head, but his hands are quite occupied. "No one gets bored looking at his face."

"True. Now go, and make it snappy! Big smile and—ew you're dripping." Ten wipes sweat off his brown with a handkerchief, and he sends Doyoung off with a quick once over and a loud "bag your man soon so I can proceed with Phase 2!".

*record scratch*

*freeze frame*

Yep, that's me. You're probably wondering how I ended up in this situation.

Doyoung shakes his head to clear his head of the iconic meme, but really who's going to judge him for it being the first thought to pop into his head when there's a real live mermaid frolicking around in the university pool?

He unceremoniously drops the notes onto the wet ground, and he has half a mind to be upset about it because he's sure the Mark guy worked very hard on them but the other half of his mind just. Screams. His shriek resounds around the room and it startles the creature, making them sink down and letting themself be swallowed by the chlorinated water.

It takes Doyoung a hot minute to regain his composure. He anxiously looks around the area in fear of another mythical creature coming out and charging at him, but after ten minutes of apprehensiveness he figures that he's in the clear.

The mermaid is still underwater, and Doyoung briefly worries that they might not be able to hold their breath for that long. (Very, very briefly, because then it occurs to Doyoung that he is dealing with a mermaid, a creature that is very accustomed to moisture. Not exactly his brightest moment.) He walks to the poolside part that's closest to where Doyoung can see the mermaid's head bobbing up and down softly, and a pink tail that shimmers and winks when the harsh fluorescent lights hit it just right. He squats down, waiting to see if the mermaid will resurface.

The mermaid doesn't. At least, not until Doyoung gives up and walks out of the pool area.

Doyoung is a brilliant mind, and he proves this to himself by concocting a plan to get the mermaid to reveal themself (again). He stays next to the vending machines, keeping his shadow minimal just in case. When he hears splashing he slowly walks towards the doorway, and he hears telltale pitter-patter he launches himself back inside, only to be greeted with a sopping wet Taeyong.

"Taeyong?"

Taeyong looks like a deer caught in the headlights, and Doyoung scans the room restlessly. "Did you see?" Doyoung points to the pool, to where the mermaid was submerged not too long ago. "Did you see the mermaid?"

Taeyong chuckles nervously. "What are you talking about?"

"A mermaid! Or, like, a really human-like fish. I know I sound unhinged, but I saw a torso and a tail! A mermaid, Taeyong!"

"Was it too hot outside, Doyoung? Did the heat get to you? Let's get you some water." Taeyong begins to lead him out of the area, but Doyoung shrugs him off. "I'm not hallucinating! There really was a mermaid! Taeyong, you have to believe me."

"I believe you," Taeyong says softly, like he's talking to a baby. Doyoung finds it patronizing. "And we can talk about it after you're all hydrated."

Doyoung lets out a huff and lets Taeyong have his way, but halfway across the area Doyoung sees the notes he was supposed to take care of scattered around, damp and soggy. "Oh my god, Taeyong I'm so sorry."

"Huh?"

Doyoung scampers off to pick the papers off the floor, and Taeyong helps him out. "These were your notes from Mark Lee," Doyoung mumbles as he raises one with all the writing blotched out. "I was supposed to give these to you but now they're all ruined."

Taeyong smiles as him. "It's fine, don't worry about it. Mark always has a soft copy, he really doesn't need these notes. Don't feel bad," Taeyong adds when Doyoung opens his mouth to apologize again. "This isn't the first time this has happened, and he knows that. He's cool with it, don't worry. I'll even introduce you to him so he can tell you that himself if you like."

Doyoung's words die at the tip of his tongue when Taeyong mentions introducing him to his friend. Ten's grand idea bounces around his brain and holy crap? It's actually working? Both he and Ten could potentially cuff baes soon? Ten was _right ?_

Taeyong doesn't think anything of Doyoung's silence, peacefully picking up papers off the floor. He leans down for easier access, and his blond hair falls into his eyes.

The same shade of blond he saw in the pool.

"You know," Doyoung starts casually, gluing his eyes to Taeyong's unbothered form, "the mermaid had hair like yours. That pretty shade of blond, almost white. What a coincidence, right?"

Taeyong stiffens. _Gotcha_. "Doyoung, it's not what you think."

"You're the only one here."

"Doyoung, no—"

"And you're all wet, which means you were in the pool not too long ago." Doyoung walks towards him, making Taeyong back up until they're standing by the pool deck.

"Who doesn't get wet when you're near a pool, honestly—"

"But only the mermaid was in the pool recently."

"You don't know that for sure—"

"I can't believe this," Doyoung cries out, clutching the papers to his chest. "You have _legs_!"

"I can explain!" Taeyong exclaims, exactly two second before he wobbles and falls into the pool.

Doyoung gasps, but before he can do anything to help Taeyong is already breaking the surface, pushing his hair back and running a hand down his face. The shiny pink fish tail Doyoung was sure is real is _actually_ real, and it is currently attached to Taeyong's torso. Doyoung blinks multiple times in disbelief. "What on earth is happening?"

"I can explain," Taeyong says calmly.

Doyoung's phone dings with a notification. It's a message from Johnny, asking if he could come to the dorm for a bit. _It's an emergency_ , Johnny texts with too many pouting emojis, which is the first sign that something is wrong because Johnny never uses emojis, always preferring to use emoticons instead.

("What's the difference between emoticons and emojis, anyway?"

"Doyoung, you uncultured swine, emoticons are the lost art form of expressing yourself in a heartfelt way using a combination of symbols and letters and numbers readily available on your keyboard while emojis are your cold, tiny pictures."

"Aren't they essentially the same thing? Just that emojis are more convenient?"

Johnny sighs, shaking his head at Doyoung. "I'm not having this conversation with someone who uses the clown emoji unironically.")

"I have to go," Doyoung frowns. "But don't think you're getting out of this! I want my answers."

"And you'll get them, I promise. Let me walk you out." Taeyong shimmies over and flops himself onto the pool deck, and the next time Doyoung blinks Taeyong's tail is replaced by his lanky legs. Doyoung almost drops the papers again. At least Taeyong still has his shorts on.

"Uh. The notes." Mark's notes floats on the pool's surface, ink seeping into the water. Taeyong shrugs nonchalantly. "I'll take care of it. Text me when you're free so we can talk, yeah?"

Doyoung stares at Taeyong, and then down at his legs. His human legs. He brings his gaze back to Taeyong, and then brings it back to his legs. Taeyong. Legs. Taeyong has legs. The legs are Taeyong's. "Yeah," Doyoung breathes out. "Yeah, we should talk."

When Doyoung gets to the dorm, Johnny has ransacked the place. There's clothing strewn around, and their shared desk has lost the organized state Doyoung had left it in last night. "Doyoung, have you seen a beige hoodie? Or was it cream? Whatever, it was dirty white. Off white. Not white but kinda white," Johnny stops mumbling when Doyoung doesn't answer. "Doyoung! Have you seen it?"

"No? Why are you looking for it when you're literally wearing a hoodie right now?"

"It's Taeil's hoodie." Johnny goes down on his knees and looks under their beds. "It's gotta be around here somewhere. Doyoung, think!"

"Johnny, chill!" Doyoung pats his shoulder when he sits back on his haunches dejectedly. "Have you tried sifting through the laundry?"

"We gave it to the cleaners yesterday," Johnny laments. "It won't be done until tomorrow, and I need it now."

"What color did you say it was? Was it brown?"

"Light brown, I think? Do you remember anything?"

Doyoung resists the urge to flick Johnny's forehead. "Look down, you idiot."

Johnny looks down at the hoodie he's wearing, slightly too small for his frame. "Oh. Hey. This looks like Taeil's hoodie."

Doyoung rolls his eyes pointedly before jumping onto his bed. "Clean everything up. I'm gonna take a short nap, wake me up before my shift starts please? As reparation for making me worry."

"Got it." Johnny sits on his bed, folding a shirt that Doyoung is sure belongs to neither of them. "Were your classes too tiring today?"

Doyoung yawns, turning away from Johnny. "Let's just say this day was certainly something."

* * *

Doyoung's self-proclaimed favorite person in the whole wide world, Cute and Sexy Jung Jaehyun, shuffles from his spot on Doyoung's bed so he can look at Doyoung directly. "So you're telling me that the guy you like—whom I have not yet met, just to remind you—is a mermaid."

"Yes."

"And this isn't a metaphor for how he's a very good swimmer? He's really a mermaid? With a tail and everything?"

"I didn't see any gills but then again, I wasn't looking too hard."

"I see." Jaehyun rises on his elbows. "We should tell Renjun."

"Oh, no, no, _no_ . You cannot tell Renjun. You _will not_ tell Renjun. I will skin you alive if Renjun ever gets wind of this, do not test me Jung."

"But your cousin is the best paranormal investigator you know!"

"He's the _only_ paranormal investigator I know."

"No he's not, what about Donghyuck?"

"Donghyuck is a victim of the system. He acquired the misfortune of dating Renjun, and now he has to suffer the consequences."

"They're your best choice! Renjun is bound to know something about this, and Donghyuck is friendly so he'd be able to get Mister Merman Whose Name You Refuse To Tell Me to open up!"

"I won't tell you his name because you'll look him up and that is the door to a million disasters. And I'm not gonna hand this case over to a couple of Buzzfeed Unsolved wannabes."

"Well then, what if you hand it to the actual Buzzfeed Unsolved people? I bet they'd help."

"Or they could, I don't know, kill him. I'm not gonna risk that."

"You're being dramatic, the only thing they've hurt would probably be ghosts' feelings."

"I don't know Jae, that Shane dude looks like he could murder someone and be unapologetic about it."

Jaehyun looks at him in disbelief. "So what, we're just gonna let him loose in the school pool?"

"Heh, that rhymed."

" _Doyoung_."

"'Let him loose' makes him sound like he's a wild animal. He won't hurt anyone, Jae, even insects like him. _Insects_."

"Fine, whatever. We shall leave him free to haunt the swim team."

"He's not scary. Or is he?" Doyoung's tone takes on a teasing note. "Rumor has it that mermaids eat human flesh, Jae. Wanna test it out?"

"Oh, so now you want to introduce me? You only love me as fish food, I see."

"I love you as other things too! As bait, as a distraction. And I'd probably still love you with your heart served on a silver platter!"

"You're very scary, Doie."

"I have two hands," Doyoung singsongs menacingly. "The left and the right. One to hold you down while the other wields a knife."

"You would make a terrible kindergarten teacher. Or a babysitter."

"So you admit you're a baby?"

"A powerful baby."

Doyoung pushes him off the bed but Jaehyun clings to the edge, starfishing himself on top of Doyoung when Doyoung manages to secure some space on his own bed. "Get off me, you heavy oaf."

"You said I'm baby," Jaehyun whines, but he flops over on his side so Doyoung can breathe. "Take care of the baby."

"You're ridiculous." But Doyoung opens his arms wide anyway, and Jaehyun scoots into them. Doyoung combs his fingers through Jaehyun's voluminous hair, and he finds himself wondering if Taeyong's hair feels this soft as well. "Come to think of it, this all started because of Renjun."

"Renjun's love life," Jaehyun corrects, and Doyoung waves him off. "Whatever. The point is that in a way, this is his fault too."

"Really, this is all on you and Ten. Does Ten know?"

"No, and you won't snitch, right?"

"Depends. I want a free drink upsize every Friday."

"Jaehyun. We have a knife lying around here somewhere."

"I'm joking, sheesh." Jaehyun zips his lips shut. "Not a peep from me."

"Good. As I was saying, this wouldn't have happened if I didn't lose the bet and have to sacrifice the thing I love most in this world—"

"You mean sleep?"

"—to accompany Ten on his early morning trainings. Basically, I would never have even met Taeyong if Renjun had dated Jeno instead."

"But Hyuck's a good kid, you like him!"

"I didn't say I didn't. But have you seen Jeno's eye smile? That could melt even the most frozen heart."

"True. Though you are aware that Renjun and Hyuck are working on roping Jeno into their relationship, right?"

"What?"

"That was Renjun's original plan, I think? Two boyfriends. The more the merrier, he said."

"How will that even work?"

"Polys exist, Doie."

"Oh my god," Doyoung sits up, elbowing the side of Jaehyun's head in the process. "So I didn't lose?"

"Does it matter? Do you regret losing? Also, ouch." Jaehyun cradles his cheek. "I hate you and your bony everything."

"And yet you always ask me for cuddles."

"Do you regret losing, Doie?" Jaehyun asks again, more insistent this time. Doyoung blinks once, twice, three times. The answer comes easily.

"No," he says as he slides back down to envelope Jaehyun in his arms. "I don't regret it one bit."

* * *

Doyoung sits back as Taeyong gulps down half of the contents of his americano. "You alright there, bud?"

"Just need a little bit of strength to get through this conversation," Taeyong says as he chugs the rest down. "Alright. What do you want to talk about.

They're at the cafeteria outside the pool area, surrounded by people trying to enjoy a peaceful breakfast, so Doyoung tries to keep his voice from getting too loud. "Geez, I don't know, maybe start with that fact that you're not human?"

"In my defense, I'm _part_ human."

"And part fish."

"I'm a hybrid," Taeyong clarifies, "so I can take both forms."

"That doesn't explain why you decided mermaiding it up on school premises was a good idea."

"I didn't know someone was coming! No one usually does."

"And you weren't scared someone might walk in on you?"

"The chances were very slim."

Doyoung glowers at him, and Taeyong shrinks under his gaze. "I'll refrain from doing it."

"Moving on," Doyoung leans forward, "tell me more about it. How'd you do the transformation thing so quickly? I thought there'd be sparkles, at the very least."

"I'm not sure, I kinda just...do it? There's no plausible explanation for it, I just think that I want to use either my legs or my tail and _bam_."

"And your clothes stay on the whole time?"

"I guess? Maybe they turn invisible when mybtail is out, I don't know."

"You're not making any of this sound believable, to be completely honest."

"I'm trying! I've never had to explain this before so I really don't know how."

"Consider this practice for more exposés, then."

"Please, no more exposés." Taeyong grins at him. "I still have to figure out how to silence you."

"Gonna sprinkle fairy dust all over me?"

"I know a fairy or two, maybe if I ask nicely they will."

Doyoung puts his grilled cheese down. "Really?"

Taeyong scratches behind his quickly reddening ear. "I mean, yeah, but I'm too shy to talk to anyone."

"You talked to me first though?"

Taeyong flashes him a playful grin. "You're not just anyone though. You were the gorgeous guy who looked at the vending machine like it ate his entire family."

"To be fair, me and my money are really close and your precious rustbucket almost ate it."

"So it wasn't Ten's money you used that morning?"

Doyoung contemplates throwing a piece of crust at him. "Stop exposing me."

Taeyong takes the crusts anyway and takes a big bite. "You did say it was an exposé kind of morning."

They continue their meal in satisfied silence. Taeyong is safe, and Doyoung is pacified. For now.

"Tell me something," Doyoung says when they're in the middle of cleaning up their table. "Do you ever use your abilities to one-up your teammates?"

Taeyong looks down at the ground. "I try not to, but it's kinda hard when you're born to be a fast swimmer. As you so eloquently put it, I'm part fish.

"I just really, really love the water," Taeyong continues, big puppy-like eyes staring at Doyoung imploringly. "This is gonna sound super cheesy but it feels like home."

"Even when filled with chemicals?"

"Even then," Taeyong cracks a small smile. "I just want to swim."

There's so much sincerity in his voice that Doyoung feels bad for indirectly accusing him of cheating. "I get that, don't worry. I'll keep it a secret, I promise."

"Really?"

"...no, I'm sorry. I already told my best friend but he's very trustworthy!"

Taeyong laughs at him, a soundless cackle that would look weird if Taeyong wasn't cute as hell. "It's cool. I'd love to meet him some time."

A scene plays out in Doyoung's mind, a scene in which Taeyong meets Jaehyun and is besotted by his good looks and easy demeanor. Doyoung frowns. There will be no man-snatching today. "He's really busy, but hopefully I can schedule something." _In the far away future._

"Thanks." Taeyong's smile is heavenly and it makes Doyoung's stomach fluttery, so he decides to ruin the moment. "Soooo. How are you half mermaid? How'd your parents do the ol' devil's tango?"

"Please don't ask."

"Noted."

* * *

"Eyo, people of the poolside!" Ten slings his arms around Doyoung and Taeyong after a weekend practice that Doyoung had been surprisingly amicable about attending. "You guys wanna join us for lunch?"

"What are we having?"

"Sushi!"

"Xuxi?" A voice booms.

"No, susshiiiiii." Ten drags the word out. "We're not eating you, Xuxi."

"But I'm a snack!" The voice is behind them now, and it startles Taeyong into jumping a foot into the air. "Sorry, Yongie."

"No problem, Xuxi. But um," Taeyong turns to Ten. "I'll have to take a raincheck on lunch today."

"Aaawww, why?"

"He's allergic to seafood," Doyoung cuts in. "But go on ahead! We'll find something else, something better than seafood."

Ten lifts his eyebrows. "We?"

"Yes, we. Me and Taeyong. We'll get going first, bye guys!" Doyoung bids the others farewell as he drags Taeyong along, barely catching the "text me" Ten mouths. When they get outside, Taeyong smirks at him. "We're going on a lunch date and you didn't bother telling me beforehand?"

"Is this how you repay me for saving you from having to eat your own kind?"

"I could have handled it, but thanks for your help." Taeyong slips his hand into Doyoung's. Doyoung pretends he doesn't notice. "So. McDonald's?"

"Just because I work there doesn't mean I want to eat there 24/7," Doyoung slaps Taeyong's arm with his free hand. "You should be thankful I don't like seafood."

"If it makes a difference, I'm glad you didn't ask for a tuna sandwich on our first date. That would have been a dealbreaker."

"Was that an actual date, though?"

"Fine. Do you want to go on one right now?"

Taeyong's platinum blond hair appears white in the sunlight. It makes Doyoung's fingers itch; he wants to run a hand through it, maybe compare it to Jaehyun's luscious locks. Hopefully one day he gets the chance to, but for now all he says is, "You're paying, Pretty Boy."

**Author's Note:**

> Birthday gift for Ate Marchy, who mentioned wanting a Taeyong mermaid fic! (We're going to pretend I posted this on time.) This probably wasn't what you had in mind but you didn't specify anything so tada! idk how I ended up with 7k of this nonsense but here you go :D Ate Marchy bati na daw kayo ni Doyoung
> 
> twt: [@whatsavotingacc](https://twitter.com/whatsavotingacc?s=09)


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